PORCUPINE HAIR WAX
Bendigo will never be the same after Macca took the town by storm over the last week.  Whilst he was supposed to be there laying flooring with the world renowned Al Baldwin Floors, it appears Macca took the opportunity to spruik a new range of hair wax.  One young local lady was very enamoured with the spikes that were enabled from just a touch of the Porcupine Hair Wax.  As the advertising slogan goes, 101 uses.  I think Macca just found use number 102!
Added 5th November 2005

FLOPSY
It's a common affliction, but we do wonder when it hits a bloke in his prime.  Maybe it's to do with confidence?  Staying power?  I mean he does like to hit the ball hard.  But Rhiannon gets a little testy when it goes all floppy.  True story.  Keep it to yourself and don't embarrass the lad.
Added 5th November 2005

UK IMPORT ROMANCES CLUB SECRETARY
The big talking point around the club this week will be a new budding romance.  Fresh from his 70no in the first eleven demolition of Wheelers Hill (and telling everyone in Melbourne about it), young Macca arrived at a party on Saturday night full of juice and ready for some single woman attention.  The closest he came to was a kiss and a cuddle from our club secretary....but beggars can't be choosers.  The question remains, who has the hairest chest?  Macca or Perc?
Added 30th October 2005

INTELLECTUAL EQUALS
It has taken many years but the Big Bird has finally met his intellectual match.  A clash of the titans.  Daniel, who has been very active in the Community Outreach Program, had an enlightening conversation with a learned gentleman at Wheelers Hill.  Daniel, coming off a fantastic 6/21, kept Norman amused for many an hour with his witty banter and his best comic material.  Unfortunately for Dan, Norman Von Norman was way too clever for him and saw through his jokes....not laughing once.  At last, Daniel has found someone on the same mental level as himself!
Added 29th October 2005

ANOTHER DROPPED CATCH?
Can Pies Warner stay out of the action?  After dropping an absolute strudel last week, Pies again let one hit the ground this week.  The only difference was that we were batting and he was the square leg umpire!  Yet he still didn't get a hand on it.  Luckily for him, it was only off Muppet so no harm done!
Added 29th October 2005

FULL MOON?
We don't know whether it is a full moon, or maybe just the change to daylight saving tonight, but in a summer game you don't expect to see a young bloke watching the game, waiting to bat, in a sleeping bag and pillow.  All the comforts of home?
Added 29th October 2005

SIX MONTHS IS A LONG TIME IN CRICKET
It was a triumphant return to the cricketing ranks for Paul 'Moo' Cowman in Round 4, taking the gloves in the 4ths.  Unfortunately, even before he was announced in the selected side, Moo visited the medical rooms first for a blood nose.  Moo turned right when he got the top of the social club stairs and walked straight into the new social room door!  "A lot changes in six months" he was heard to mutter.
Added 27th October 2005

TO DRESS ONE'S SELF IS THE HARDEST PART OF THE DAY
The club's local fashion guru, complete with shocking board shorts, is a dab hand at all things clothing.  Always wearing designer labels and always wearing the best brands.  Funny thing is that sometimes, unless his mother lays the clothes out for him, they just don't go on right!  Consider getting ready to bat in the first eleven chase last Saturday....pads, thigh pad....only to reveal the sponsor's logo sitting on your butt and the fly facing the rear.  For such a fashion guru as our Dawbs, such a faux pas could be irrecoverable.
Added 25th October 2005

A PROMISE IS A PROMISE
It seems a slashing batsman in the first eleven had some extra incentive this week to score big time.  Niemo was in great form with the bat, scoring his highest score for the club to date with a well compiled 56.  And if my maths are not mistaken, that is one more run than 55.  Mystery now surrounds Niemo and the reason why his cricket balls require so much attention.
Added 22nd October 2005

A CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY
It was very nice of senior coach John Watkin to chat with one of the younger players taking time out from his studies for a spot of cricket watching.  John and Timmy had a terrific chat and one that Timmy took great delight in.  We look forward to seeing Timmy Moon, or should that be Jake Smith, back after his exams!
Added 22nd October 2005

FLESH FOR FANTASY
It is a terrible thing when one gets struck and it involves flesh.  It is worse when it involves the bowling machine and the ultra hard hockey balls.  It is worse still when the pain is evident for all to see.  But is there anything worse than Mick Kiraly seeing it all unfold?  I think not.
Added 22nd October 2005

COACH CARTER DISAPPEARS
A police all points bulletin was posted on Tuesday night for the missing Coach Carter, who had disappeared from the grip of a senior left arm spinner in the firsts who shall not be named, but goes by the initials of Mark Jones.  Despite his best efforts to keep track of Coach Carter, he slipped the net and disappeared late into the night, setting up frantic search parties trying to track him down.  After much head scratching, Coach Carter turned up right where he was left....upstairs next to the drinkers!  For Chris and Andrew's sake, let's hope senility isn't catching in the Jones family!
Added 21st October 2005

DOUBLE PIES?
Despite unkind references to his catching prowess, it is an unfounded phenomenon that Michael Warner gained his "Pies" moniker due to cricket.  From the man himself, this has been a nickname since childhood bestowed on him by brother Dave.  Apparently it stems from Michael's, and father Bernie's, love of eating pies, so Dave called them Big Pies and Little Pies.  Seems only one of the names has stuck!  Although, makes you look at Bernie in a new light......double pies?
Added 21st October 2005

LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WITH
Love is in the air.  Love is in the bed.  Love is asleep in the backyard.  Love obliterates himself and defaces many of the Bramstedt towels.  Ah Lovey, tied on a ripper on Thursday night and then shared a bed with his opening partner, young Harry Bramstedt!  A match made in heaven.  Yes indeed, Love is in the air.  But I'm sure it wasn't the only thing wafting in the air!!
Added 8th October 2005

THE BEST OF THE BEST
Club coach, John Watkin, attended a work function in Brisbane this week with former Australian champion wicket keeper, Ian Healy.  Conversation turned to Healy's recent trip to China to play in a cricket tournament with players all around the world.  John mentioned our own Daniel Barsenbach, who had also played in the same tournament.  "Big Dan!" came the excited reply from Healy.  "Geez he can play can't he?"

We find it amazing the lengths some people will go to play with the best of the best.  Travelling to China for a game of cricket is pretty serious stuff.  We hope Healy got something out the experience of rubbing shoulders with the Big Bird!
Added 30th September 2005

THE WOODEN LEG
Last year it was jungle boy, this year young Muppet has padded up to a ball....without wearing any pads!  The demon reverse spin of Bramo caught him unawares on the shin bone and caused an almighty cracking noise.  The worrying sound was the continuing echo....
Added 26th September 2005

LOVE IS IN THE AIR
Everywhere you look around!  Murmurings around the training track suggest congratulations are in order to Cheryl for snagging the most eligible bachelor at the club and recent Cleo Bachelor of the Year nominee, the very dapper, the very sophisticated, Mr Paul Keane.  Should our mail be correct, Mr Keane has recently popped the big question.  Congratulations to you both!
Added 9th September 2005

RACCOON PIETERSEN HEAD
A worldwide questionable fashion trend is sweeping our club in honour of English batsman and retiring violet, Kevin Pietersen.  As usual, the man at the club always one step ahead of fashion trends, Pies Warner, has had the raccoon stripe for some time.  And it looks to be catching on......not!
Added 9th September 2005

THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN
What a difference four months can make as Col Butler is nearly unrecognisable as he sheds the pounds at will.  Rumour has it that his motivation is to over take Keaney as the club 'Adonis'. 
Added 3rd August 2005